Moving forward with a quick look back.

These last two weeks of November usually suck hard for me. This year it’s the 21st anniversary of my Mom’s death and the 17th anniversary of my Dad’s.  I never got to know them as an adult. I may have been in my early 20s, but as many of us know that’s not even remotely adult knowledge of life much less seeing that your parents as people.  I  still have that slightly jaded child view of who my parents were. Even with my adult knowledge of life, it’s hard not to see them that way.

I sometimes think about where I would be if they were alive. If they were still alive today, my life would be totally different. I’m certain I wouldn’t know most of the amazing people I know today. I have no idea if I’d have a career or just a “job”.  Would they approve of my choices? Would we have had some kind of blow-out fight and stopped talking?

I try not to dwell on the loss but instead look at what I learned and how that experience shaped me and made me who I am today.  This way I can keep moving forward and embrace the love we shared.

This year has been so much less sucky for me. I attribute that to all the new and amazing friends I’ve made in the past 21 years as well as the ones I’ve kept for 21+ years.

So, with Thanksgiving around the corner, here is what I am thankful for:

• Each and every person who has come and gone from my life.
• The amazing people who have seen right through my shit and loved me anyway.
• Everyone who has called me out on my shit.
• Those who helped me move forward, when all I wanted to do was fall down and never get up.
• All of you who have pushed me to realize I can do and have more.
• All of you who have laughed and cried with me.
• Each and every one of you who have hugged me.

In short, I’m thankful for everyone who has loved me and treated me as my parents would have.

Thank you.