A letter to my 20 year-old self

Cassie Boorn is a 22 year-old blogger who was confused about life in her 20’s and asked all the women she knows to share a letter they’d write to their 20 year-old self. Inspired by the collection of letters she’s received I sat down and wrote a letter to my 20 year-old self. It’s not as easy as it seems, and there’s a lot more I’d say to her but I had to end the letter somehow.

Hey you,

Yeah, it’s me. I’m about 3 months away from celebrating our 2nd annual 39th birthday. Yes, I’m calling it that…mostly because our 39th birthday was pretty frickin’ lame. There’s nothing you can do about it though, so start planning now to celebrate 39 a second time and try to do it up big.

With that said, I’m not sure what to say to you. I keep having flashes of Diane Court in Say Anything giving her valedictorian speech saying, “I’ve glimpsed our future and all I can say is, GO BACK.”  I’m not saying it sucks here on the brink of a new decade of life, but from where you are to where I am now, it’s hard. Really, really hard. I don’t want to scare you, it’s not just 20 years of suck. There are amazing things ahead, but for each amazing thing, it seems you’ve got to endure some serious shit.  I’m sorry. None of it is any of your doing. It’s just what life throws at you. There’s nothing you can do to change any of it so just accept it and keep going. Sure there are some things I’d like to tell you to avoid, but those things are what makes me who I am now. I’m OK with who I am right now. OK, maybe you should drink more water, and try to save more money. But aside from that, things are what they are; you’ve got to take the bad if you want the good.

Keep in mind you don’t have to shoulder everything all alone. You don’t have to be the strong one all the time. You can ask for help, there’s nothing weak about asking for help. And speaking of weak, it’s OK to cry. Really. You aren’t a cry baby, you aren’t going to be laughed at, and you will be able to stop. I know you think it makes you look weak, but there’s nothing weak about crying. There will come a day, when the shit really hits the fan and you won’t be able to control it any longer. You will cry with such pain, the sound will terrify you. But don’t worry; you will be able to stop. You’ll pull yourself together and you will be able to move on. I just wonder if you cried more in the past if that moment wouldn’t have been so terrifying.

You are amazing at finding and keeping friends. It may not feel like it, but it’s true. Keep treating people right and learn to lean on them. You have collected the most amazing group of friends. You will surround yourself with people who care about you, who love you and want the best for you. Sometimes it won’t sound like it, but really, they do. Those people are telling you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear, that’s what makes them your friend. No matter how far away these people are, keep them close to your heart. Even if they are people you haven’t met in person, they are all important, and you will eventually meet them in person. (I know this sounds odd to be friends with someone you haven’t met, but roll with me here, it’ll be clear to you soon enough.)

Oh, and when you’re writing in your journal, could you try writing about the good things as well as all the bad stuff? Reading those journals now, you sound like some kind of whiny, angst ridden teenager. Seriously, life wasn’t ALL bad. Celebrate the good by writing it down. I know that you work out the crap by writing about it. But share the good too would you?

In the end what I want to say is, be good to yourself. You deserve happiness, love, and to be treated well. You are beautiful inside and out. Yes, you ARE, don’t fight with me. I’m an old woman who knows more than you do. Enjoy the next 20 years of living, go crazy, do all kinds of things. You have no regrets so, live it up. Have fun. I’ll see you when you get here.