WTF?

What they ask me to do now

I got an email from some staffing agency that couldn’t even be bothered to call me asking me to take some sort of assessment test. One part of the test is an endless stream of personality questions. Things like, you select agree, disagree or neutral to statements such as, “I like to be challenged by my work” and ” I get angry easily” and “I am happy” and “I don’t want my work to be challenging” and “When I’m at work I do nothing all day but pick my nose.” Well, not really that last one but when they ask the same thing in circles I start to feel like that’s what they want me to do. The second part is less boring, but more difficult. It is timed and they ask questions like, “Peanut butter is to jelly as eggs are to _____” with multiple choice answers. Then they throw in math problems. “If 800 billion paperclips cost $4,000,000 how much would 1 and 1/2 dozen binder clips cost?” Again, multiple choice answers. But as my brain is freezing at the thought of speed math I’m beginning to wonder. Who’s job on this earth requires speed math problems? If I were at work and had a past invoice for paper clips and needed some binder clips, I’d call the sales person and ask, “How much for 1 and 1/2 dozen binder clips?” I wouldn’t try to infer the cost based on a past invoice. Perhaps today there is a special on binder clips by the 1 and 1/2 dozen. Maybe they are free with the purchase of reams of paper. I haven’t had to solve story problems since the ACT test. Why am I being assessed by them now that I am (STILL) frakking unemployed? Sure there is something wonderful about people who can do math quickly and without a calculator, but where in the business world will you be without a computer, adding machine or calculator? Where in the world will you not double check your math on some sort of calculating device?
I’m just so bored with the incessant hoop jumping. How many more dances at gunpoint must I go through before I get a fucking job? Please, someone HIRE ME! I’ll prove to you these math problems are not a proper judge of my skills. I’ll prove to you that you made the right decision. Give me a chance!
Yes, I’m having a party for one over here…and I’m nearly through the last box of Kleenex and a bottle of vodka. Anyone with booze can come join me. Pajama pants are required.